Ah, a trip to the BMV

When I lived in Massachusetts a trip to the Registry of Motor Vehicles was reason enough to make you crazy. That was before you even got there. When you open the white envelope marked Registry of Motor Vehicles, you just knew. It wasn't going to be good, pretty, fun or nice. It just wasn't. It wasn't going to be easy or convenient. Nope. Nor was it going to be cheap. Cheap as in "not worth the pain" in time or emotional suffering. The workers weren't nice. I think they were paid extra to NOT be nice. It was like a game to them. How mean can we be? How miserable can we make this person?

When I moved to Maine, I avoided going to the BMV, Bureau of Motor Vehicles. Even the name sounded worse than Massachusetts. Formal. Cold. Harsh. I avoided going until I could wait no longer, the Mass plates were very noticeable and it was just a matter of time before the cops told me to get Maine plates. Again. lol. I admit it, I really pushed my luck.

So off I went to Portland Maine BMV prepared for the worst. I had every document ever issued to me in both names I've ever had (or admitted to). I had copies, originals, photo's, tax bills, old license, passport, credit card bills, utility bills. Everything. I looked like a lunatic paper lady going into the beautiful and clean building, that was filled with nicely printed signs telling folks where to go, what they needed etc. Take a number, sit her. Next. I barely sat 10 minutes? and I was called. How could this be? Obviously it's going to be a "take this and go sit there" routine? Nope. I was so wrong. I sat with a very friendly and professional clerk, I can't remember now but she had worked there forever. I told her about Mass Registry experiences. She laughed saying that 'we hear those stories all the time". Fill out this, sign here, stand over here, SMILE, POOF!, wait over there..and thank you very much. You are all set. I couldn't believe it was this easy. WOW. I told everyone it was so nice to be waited on in such a manner. I even wrote a letter to the director. Crazy huh.

Fast forward 5 + years. I get this nasty purple flyer in the mail telling me I needed a new license and for "your convenience" I could do it online. Nice I say. Sweet deal. I look thru the paper, yes I have a license, yes I am "still" a citizen of the US, I should be all set right? WRONG. Online I find out that since 9/11 and all that those *&^*&^%&U^%R&U^% horrible murderers have done to this country? I no longer show as a US Citizen. I have to prove (after 35 years, okay, it's 37 really) that I am really a citizen.

Right now I should just say WTF right? No. I actually call the BMV who years ago were so nice to me. Yeah, that nice lady? she is gone. HAHA. They tell me that even though I have a Maine Drivers License that is not expired I cannot renew my license online because their records do not show that I am a Citizen of this country. I admit, just for giggles and I wasn't exactly working hard that day? I ask why. Then I ask for a Supervisor. Basically no one can answer me this question. Why do I have to now, after ( mumble mumble) years, of having a US Drivers License, have to show that I am a US Citizen? I'm really confused.

Fast forward two weeks. I get my papers together, go to the BMV. This is 10 days after falling, not once, but twice on the ice. My back is aching enough to make me sick to my stomach. I bring everything that they tell me to. You know, all the stuff that I brought the first time that i didn't need? Well I bring it all. Except I do not bring a certified birth cert for them to keep. Why you ask? because I have only one. The last one I GAVE TO THEM and for some reason it wasn't worthy enough to prove citizenship.

I have my US Army military papers. Nope. Not good enough. I bite my tongue. I count to 10. Then 20. I then nicely say thank you and leave. Before I go (P*^I&^%U&^U%  Postal.

What have I learned? I now must go the speed limit and obey all road rules as I do not have a valid drivers license. It's too stressful to obtain. Maybe if I didn't live in this country? wasn't born here? didn't pay *(^&*^*O(*&*(&^%&^$&^ taxes?? didn't work for peanuts in the army??. Maybe if I had chosen to have loads of babies and suck off public assistance I could probably get a license? Yeah, they probably would send the Mobile Unit out to help me out, you know, for "my convenience". oy vey.